Monday, 19 January 2015

Being Afraid

Being afraid is okay.

For somebody who spends life being very brave and taking most things head on, being afraid takes a lot of courage. Being able to tell yourself that you are scared of something is a big deal. And I don't quite mean being scared of insects or falling or an injection.

Being afraid means that you value fear. You therefore value life. And fear is essential to survival.

An author once wrote that vertigo is not the fear of heights. Vertigo is the desire to fall. And therefore, fear of heights is an essential quality to garner.

I am afraid of my upcoming surgery. It's going to make things exponentially easier once I heal but nonetheless, while I do, it will hurt. They will keep my eyes open and I will probably not see but I will know in the rest of my body that my eyes are being operated. And I will take 3-4 days to recover, perhaps a week.

The fear of this happening at a very foreseeable future has made me careful. I am putting my businesses in order before this happens. I am figuring ways out to make sure things are fairly smooth for me and for the man while I undergo surgery and then recover.

And I have friends who have promised to call and come over and read. I am going to try audiobooks because I will not be allowed into sunlight, read, get on the phone, laptop or even see TV.

It will be a real vacation with absolute dependence.

Fear makes you accept your state of choicelessness. Fear can be good. Fear can protect.

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